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Law, culture, and Catholicism...up in smoke!

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

AMU: Fully Covered, Fully Alive!

Ave Maria Town (AP)--In front of several people in a room off The Bean, Ave Maria University (AMU) Chancellor Tom Monaghan and other university officials announced a new policy for women at the university. The new policy entitled "Fully Covered, Fully Alive," is an initiative to higlight the dignity of women at AMU that officials say is in the spirit of the little known document De pudicitia meretricis. University spokesman Tad Rich introduced the initiative as a way in which to "celebrate the contributions of women to the life of the university, and to promote modesty in thought, word, and deed." Rich continued, "The fact of the matter is, until such time as the town is flourishing--and we are well on our way!--the university thought that it was necessary to create a safe space for women. Human nature as it is and based upon our knowledge of what poor people have historically done for fun, Chancellor Monaghan thought it best to remove the 'occasion for sin' at the university." One of the practical means of implementing the initiative is the introduction of a new dress code for the university. "Today, I am proud to unveil the new policy," stated Chancellor Monaghan.

Yet not all people at the university are happy. Joseph Wilkins, a freshman at the university on a Marine Corps scholarship, stated, "Uncle Tom could have used a better verb than 'unveil.' What the [expletive] is wrong with this guy." Dr. Ignatio Bevilacqua, the Erasmus Chair of Rennaissance Literature at the Universitas Sancti Ludovici, was puzzled by the move and quipped that "this is the sort of thing that was lampooned in More's Utopia." Deal Hudson was unavailable for comment.

(AMU Female Uniform* available at the University Bookstore)

*Cornstalks sold separately.