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Law, culture, and Catholicism...up in smoke!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Casimir's Bail-out Proposal

Dear Rep. XXX:

I am pleased that we are considering empowering "bail-out" legislation in the house these days in order to give large pots of available cash to buy up bad paper that prevents investment and spending and clogs up our economy.

I'm writing to bring to your attention a similar situation that is clogging up my local economy, and as we both know, such problems ripple out into the national economy and even further into international markets.

I don't want to cast blame anywhere, but it seems that the major source of problem is some three-year's worth of commercial paper that was leveraged against an erstwhile gamble in an upper-midwest enterprise that was later off-shored, despite vehement objections by all relevant stakeholders, to a movable facility yet to be determined in a more NAFTA-friendly environment and service quarter. The paper obligations are nearly worthless and the underlying investment is now shot, yet the ongoing cash flow is unproductive and hinders a great amount of immediate short-term investing I could be doing in lieu of these obligations.

I request a paltry $5 million set-aside, $2 available immediately, and $3 for future emergency. I want the set-aside to be protected from judicial review, and I want to have plenary discretion in how it will be spent. I intend to clear out this paper clogging my local economy and thereby solve a great crisis affecting our future.

As you can see, you must act yesterday in order to save our economy, or, I promise, it will be terrible, bad, and the international markets will fail unless you give me my cashola now.


Casimir Pulaski