FUMARE

Law, culture, and Catholicism...up in smoke!

Sunday, May 04, 2008

A Belated Honor

At the request of one of our most beloved readers, the charming, talented, and lovely Buttercup, I have decided to bestow a long overdue honor upon one of the first casualties of the Ave Maria Fiasco. Thus, on this--albeit belated--celebration of the Feast of the Ascension (hat tip: US Bishops), we at Fumare wish to postumously bestow the Fumare Medal of Freedom to an unknown soldier. A soldier known simply as "A Mouse."

WHEREAS, on December 7, 2005, Pearl Harbor Day, a meeting of the illustrious members of AMSL's Board of Governors was held via telephone;

WHEREAS, during the telephonic conference, interference ensued interrupting the transaction of business and causing Mr. Monaghan's hearing aid to whistle;

WHEREAS, Professor Robert George was confused as to whether it was interference or just Mrs. Kate O'Beirne speaking;

WHEREAS, Dean Bernard Dobranski threw out a hip as a result of walking back and forth in his office, trying to get better reception;

WHEREAS, general tumult and confusion ensued at said meeting;

WHEREAS, in a Memo dated December 8, 2005, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, Gubernator Ejectus Charles E. Rice offered a dedicatory, to wit,

"The purpose of this memo is not to celebrate my new title. Nor is it to analyze that Board meeting, which included comical overtones arising from the overpowering by static of the telephone conferencing system arranged by AMSL. That resulted in a general inability of the participants to understand each other until the meeting was transferred to another conference site for the concluding portion and votes. I mention that problem only because, as I later learned from the phone operator, the entire problem was apparently caused by a mouse who fatally intruded himself into the telephone relay box on our very own street in Mishawaka, Indiana. The motives of that former mouse are unclear, whether obstructive or perhaps suicidal in reaction to what he was hearing. I mention this to certify that I did not put him up to it. I don’t even know his name. But he did give his all for AMSL. He deserves to be recognized and commemorated.";

BE IT RESOLVED, THEREFORE, that Fumare, acting upon the advice and recommendation of Professor Charles E. Rice, and after due consideration, debate, and calling upon the assistance of our elders and superiors, dedicates, consecrates and commemorates this heroic Mishawakan mouse as the first fatality in the struggle for Ave Maria School of Law. Indeed, he gave his all. May he be remembered and cherished.