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Law, culture, and Catholicism...up in smoke!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

AMU Launches New Recruitment Team . . . On the Internets

(CNS) Corkscrew, FL - The Ave Maria University (AMU) came back to life today, after what close observers have described as institutional suicide, by launching a new recruitment team and doing so on the "Internets."

AMU has been beset by a series of public relations disasters, including the rash mysterious firing of Fr. Fessio and subsequent rehiring and demotion and exile to Europe, that have contributed to low enrollment figures and the group resignation of its admissions team.

Undeterred, the AMU leadership has assembled a crack team of recruiters led by Fr. Trent Dee - a high profile late vocation who gave up a career performing off-Broadway to follow his call into the priesthood. Fr. Trent Dee has already assembled his team from among the graduating class of AMU seniors and have launched a "viral marketing" campaign to attract the mainstream Catholic students who would otherwise want to attend Nortre Dame in Indiana.

The recruitment video entitled, "I need a hero!" focuses on AMU's mission to be a "saint factory" AND supports its image as a "cool place to keep it real."

"We realized that the 5000 students we want at AMU are looking for something different, and they are looking for it on the Internets. The customer is always right, and you have to adapt to meet your market," said Tom Monaghan, Founder of AMU. "This new recruitment team is really dedicated to work it, to work it real good. I have every confidence in our new strategy and team for recruitment," he said.

After the viral video has reached a certain number of "hits," the whole recruitment team will in turn hit the road and work recruitment fairs across the country taking their message to the streets.

"We want to take one part River Dance, one part Catholic chic, and one part recruitment; mix it all up and bake a cake that EVERY ONE wants a taste of," said Fr. Trent Dee, "if you know what I mean. Mr. Monaghan is a big idea guy and I'm a big idea guy too. I'm so thankful to Tom for all his support. When we first talked, we clicked. If we get just a fraction of the response that River Dance got, then we will be a phenomenal success. And in a way, I would be the Michael Flatly of Catholic Dance Recruitment."

Rumors at AMU have been circulating that Fr. Trent Dee and his altar boys will be "performing" at every mass and Fr. Trent Dee will eventually take over campus ministry. Nick Healy is reported to be delighted at the development, and has been pressuring other priests to move on.

On anonymous student said, "You can dance all you want on the deck of the Titanic, but it is still going down. Yep, going down. Going down in history as a cautionary tale of hubris and the need for things to be 'the biggest.'"

Fr. Fessio was unavailable for comment.