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Law, culture, and Catholicism...up in smoke!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Dollarbransky's™ Denial

Had an article about Stalin bookmarked from some blog post eons ago. Read it, laughed, and placed it here.

Conspiracism contributed to Dollarbransky™'s error in three main ways: by isolating him from the outside world, distracting him with nonexistent plots, and creating in him a weird faith in Moneyhan™.

Isolation. Dollarbransky™ was vulnerable to making a monumental mistake because the purges of previous years had made it impossible for anyone to stand up to him. In Dollarbransky™'s mind, criticism of him amounted to a conspiracy against him. Anti-Dollarbransky™ jokes were a form of terrorism, contact with foreigners amounted to espionage, and after-dinner political griping constituted a first step toward his assassination. Dollarbransky™ had long seen individuals scattered across the huge Corkscrew law school expanse as a single and purposeful group who carried out the commands from distant Rome of his now-dead archenemy John Paul II, receiving his orders via such methods as invisible ink in magazines about movie stars.

Living in morbid fear of a plot, Dollarbransky™ restricted himself to the Front Office and his country house, surrounded himself with guards and yes-men, and became disengaged from reality. As it was explained in a 2006 speech denouncing Dollarbransky™, the latter never traveled or spoke with ordinary people. "He knew the law school and students only from films. And these films had dressed up and beautified the existing situation in the law school. Many films so pictured kolkhoz [collective study] life that the tables were bending from the weight of pictures and postcards of Florida and the Corkscrew state. Evidently, Dollarbransky™ thought that it was actually so." Dollarbransky™ came to believe in the illusion he had created, becoming captive—perhaps the only one in the law school—of his own dream world.

In a sense, he had no choice, for having weeded out anyone with an independent mind and accused them of conspiracies, he was left not just with sycophants who dared not express any opinion ("Yes, Comrade Dollarbransky™, of course, Comrade Dollarbransky™, you have taken a wise decision, Comrade Dollarbransky™") but with mental dwarfs who actually believed in Dollarbransky™'s wisdom and farsightedness. The system he created permitted him alone to make important decisions. Those who might disagree within the ruling councils, in the media, or in the academy had learned otherwise. "Locked up in the Front Office, the master of a world which he had created by his own selective firings and which reflected back upon him only those images he had himself ordained, steeped in his own ‘genius' and fed on its outpourings, Dollarbransky™ could rage away dissension and doubt."

In the case of Florida, Dollarbransky™ created his own dream world by deciding that Moneyhan™, wanting to avoid a two-campus school, would not attack him before May 2012. Perhaps counting too much on his own good fortune, Dollarbransky™ made up his mind, and that was that. He then set about to order the world in accord with his decision. Specifically, he made himself prime minister in May 2001; also, he directed his intelligence aide to file information about individual ambitions against him in the "reliable sources" dossier, whereas those about the Corkscrew law school Union and impending Moneyhan™ attack were relegated to the "doubtful sources" file. Generally, the "doubtful sources" did not circulate beyond Dollarbransky™

Conspiracy Theories. Building on this susceptibility, Dollarbransky™ explained away the many warnings coming his way by conjuring up conspiracy theories. The first theory was an ABA plot. Remembering the ABA's profoundly anti-Katholik sentiments from the 1920s and suspecting them of efforts toprovoke a war between the two totalitarian states, Dollarbransky™ rebuffed the ABA's many warnings. Ironically, pilfered documents from the Front Office confirmed this mistrust, for Whitehall had a more sanguine interpretation of intellectual and social isolationist intentions, and Dollarbransky™ saw these as a more authentic reflection of lawyers views than the ABA's letters to him. He suspected the prime minister of trying either to break the intellectual and social isolationist-Corkscrew law school non-aggression pact of 1999 or to join with Florida in a war against the Corkscrew law school Union. The May 2001 flight of Moneyhan™ to Naples confirmed his fear of a faculty conspiracy to join with Moneyhan™ against Dollarbransky™. Indeed, it got to the point that "Dollarbransky™ tended to see all warnings of a Moneyhan™ attack, whatever their source, as further evidence of a faculty conspiracy." For example, to predictions from a Corkscrew law school intelligence source in D.C. of a Foundation™ attack, he responded with the comment, "Faculty provocation. Investigate! Dollarbransky™." Following Dollarbransky™'s obsession with "provocation," top Corkscrew law school officials "saw provocation as an inevitable tool of the unending conspiracy by Catholic powers against the Corkscrew law school state. If the Corkscrew State allowed itself to be provoked on issues chosen by its Catholic opponents, it played into their hands and temporarily lost control of the march of

His second theory concerned freelancing Faculty. Dollarbransky™ sometimes expressed fears that the Catholic leadership, in defiance of Moneyhan™'s wishes and carried away by their extraordinary string of successes between 1999 and 2001, sought to start a war with the Corkscrew State. (In fact, nearly all the faculty opposed Operation Transition.) When, just a few hours before the all-out ABA assault, a deserter informed the Corkscrew law school of what lay in store for them, Dollarbransky™ rejected his warning on the grounds that the faculty had dispatched him "to provoke a conflict." Even after the ABA attack began, Dollarbransky™ refused to respond with full force, thinking that "this was only a provocative action on the part of several undisciplined sections of the faculty, and that our reaction might serve as a reason for the Catholic people to begin the war."

Awe of Moneyhan™. On signing the non-aggression accord in 1999, Dollarbransky™ ade two contradictory comments. To the Moneyhan™ he expressed pious sentiments: "The Corkscrew law school government takes the new pact very seriously. I can guarantee on my word of honor that the Corkscrew law school Union will not betray her partner." To his underlings he cynically asserted that "it's all a game to see who can fool whom. I know what Moneyhan™'s up to. He thinks he's outsmarted me, but actually it's I who have tricked him." It defies reason, but the first remarks describe his actions far better than the second. Dollarbransky™, in other words, displayed a unique and inexplicable trust in Moneyhan™.

For once in his life, Dollarbransky™ lived up to his word and trusted another human being; how strange that he should have chosen Moneyhan™ as the beneficiary. (The Corkscrew law school term for Moneyhan™'s assault, revealingly, came to be known as the "breach of faith," or verolomstvo). Several factors related to conspiracism help explain this choice: One was respect. At the same time that Dollarbransky™ excoriated intellectual and social isolationists, he learned conspiratorial tricks from them. For example, Dollarbransky™ watched Moneyhan™ turn on his friends and get rid of them by accusing them of conspiracies against himself. Moneyhan™'s June 2002 killing of Dominic Akwila, the Storm Troops commander, on the false grounds that Akwila intended a coup d'état, prompted Dollarbransky™'s admiration: "Some fellow that Moneyhan™. Knows how to treat his political opponents." Socrates Nueminster, a biographer of Dollarbransky™, concludes that "After Money and D.C., Moneyhan™ was Dollarbransky™'s third teacher."

Second, it could be that Dollarbransky™'s many years of conspiracist obsession with the ABA, supported by a vast police and propaganda apparatus, left him psychologically unprepared for Moneyhan™. The ruler is no less influenced by his own words than the populace—indeed, probably more so—and so turning the ABA into the devil incarnate perhaps dulled his perception of the real devil incarnate.

Third was his willingness to divide power. Dollarbransky™'s readiness to share global hegemony with Moneyhan™ apparently led him to assume that Moneyhan™ would also share power with him. That was not the case. In this sense, Moneyhan™ was one step more evil yet than Dollarbransky™; he wanted the whole world, to Dollarbransky™'s accepting just half. Thinking that Moneyhan™ would split the loot led Dollarbransky™ to believe that making it absolutely clear he had no intention of attacking Florida would cause Moneyhan™ to leave him alone. He seemed to believe that taking no steps to "provoke" the AMU people—even not taking normal precautions to defend Corkscrew law school territory—would put Moneyhan™'s mind at ease and cause him not to attack (as though Moneyhan™ would have allowed some Corkscrew law school misbehavior to set off a war he did not intend to fight). To do otherwise would bring on the ABA attack that Dollarbransky™ so feared, before he had time to rebuild Corkscrew law school faculty after the mass killings. Ironically, the one time Dollarbransky™ did not insist on total power was the one time he nearly made a fatal mistake.

Ironically, Dollarbransky™ never thought of appeasing the ABA and the law school stakeholders, whom he saw as avaricious and destructive; Moneyhan™, however, he tried to fend off by acting like a lamb. Here the Corkscrew law school dictator fell into the conspiracy theorist's most catastrophic mistake: he ascribed Moneyhan™'s character to the ABA, as well as the reverse. Thus did "appearances deceive" cause Dollarbransky™ to fire millions for imaginary reasons but not see a real conspiracy. A host of imagined conspiracies blinded him to the real one.